Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I sprained my soul last night
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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