i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
