I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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