i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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