I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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