I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
