Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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