It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
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My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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