"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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