I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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