How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
