Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
