dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
