I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
