oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
