in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
