dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
