All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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