Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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