my phone needs a breathalizer
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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