Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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