You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
