I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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