Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
