you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
