i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
