At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
