i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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