She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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