"it" just moved
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
