he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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