Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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