Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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