You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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