I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
