i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
