I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
