His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
