if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
