69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
