No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize