Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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