My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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