i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.