dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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