Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
