proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
