I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
