Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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