Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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