No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
