Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
