Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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