Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
