Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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