Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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